The Train Series 8: Landmarks

First published on October 5, 2016

There are moments in modern life, landmarks, which we place great importance on. In the UK at least, getting married, buying a house and having children are among the most significant landmarks in most adult's lives.

Earlier in life, there are others: a first day at a new school, which university you go to, the first time you played a team sport. But they are not - except perhaps the school example - so universal. Not everyone plays sport, not everyone goes to university. Not everyone has a new school which feels momentous if, say, they always move to a new school with a group of old friends.

So what makes such a difference with these three events? Well, part of it is a legal issue. Marriage, parenthood and owning property come with legal obligations, and having these happen to you may even be the first time you have signed real legal papers or hired a solicitor.

And it is a shared experience. Most people can identify with these ideas, these events, and the reasons behind them. There is an evolutionary drive to reproduce, and (arguably) to commit strongly to someone. At the very least, culture tells us that true love, marriage and monogamy are things to pursue (and I think they're right, but that's for another day). And in the UK at least, there is a strong, strong pull towards home.

But above all, I think what sets these events apart is that they reframe the future. This is the person I am going to spend the future with. This is the place my life will be based. This little thing here is going to be the focus of my life for the next 18 years.

They don't have to be restrictive, they don't have to be something to be tied to, but they do change the way you frame your world. Change your perspective. Some people - and some of our metaphors - suggest restrictions in these decisions. But there is possibility here, too.