The Struggle to Celebrate Success
First published on December 9, 2016
Why do so many of us struggle to celebrate our success? It's an idea that I have wrestled with regularly in the last few years, as my path became clearer, I started to move down it and I had more successes to celebrate. And it's something that clients mention to me reasonably regularly. 'I achieve a goal, but then it's on to the next one,' is a feeling I know only too well.
Tim Ferriss, on his excellent podcast, often asks his guests 'When you think of the word' successful' who comes to mind?' The answers are fairly consistent. People either give an example of someone - almost always someone we all know - or they question the concept of success.
In this recent article, my brother Ewan explains that the origin of the word success is the same as that for succession. Something that comes after. Given that origin, and the momentum that comes from that etymology, is it any wonder that by the time you have achieved your first goal, you are already thinking about the next one?
But celebrating the good things in your life is important. We all know it is. And as we learn more and more about psychology and neuroscience, it takes on even greater importance: the things we focus on are the things we notice more of, so focusing on the good things will help us notice more of them. And that's got to be good, right? Not only that, but in the ever increasing pressure of the social media age, it can be so hard to remember that things are going well in our own life, when all the wonderful things in other people's are in our faces... Celebrating the things that go well is an imperative if we want to increase our wellbeing.
So here are some suggestions:
Focus on the feeling you want, not thing 'thing'. This is what changed things for me. I want to feel brilliant. I want the buzz of energy running through me. And I want it as much as I can. And when I notice that, it's worth stopping and acknowledging that.
Stop periodically. One of the things that I have seen make the most difference to clients, is to build a time to stop and celebrate into their life on a regular basis. I do it with my clients: pause with them to acknowledge when things have gone well. It changes the way you see the things you have going on.
When you notice it, share it with someone you love. In person, or on the phone is best, but email or a Whatsapp will do. A short, specific 'I'm pleased with this' or 'I feel great today' is enough.
But remember, this is a habit you have to build up. It won't happen overnight. Notice it, when you can. Change, when you notice.