Awareness Frees the Soul

First published on April 23, 2021

I was sitting this morning, with a notebook, answering a question I have been asking myself every morning for several months now: What is success today? And as I was writing, a feeling emerged: success today is if awareness frees the soul.

Last night, at the end of two long days of leading workshops, I found my mind in overdrive. And not in a way that was helpful for me. Amongst a swirl of the normal ways that I try to measure success in my work – how I feel, how my colleagues reflect, and the reflections of the participants – were a couple of seeds of doubt. And these seeds took over my thinking. Now, I’m much better at dealing with this than I used to be, and I have awareness that – as Danny McNamara once sang – although they tell you things will be alright, it doesn’t always feel that way late at night.

This morning, though, as I sat with my journal, writing about success, an insight appeared in my mind. Not about my anxiety, but about where it had taken me. Because where my thoughts had spiralled revealed a new pattern to me about how my mind works. The end of the journey of thinking from those tiny seeds of doubt was, essentially, that I would have to withdraw from the piece of work and stop working for the company I was working for.

In practical terms, I know the reality of my anxiety and worry: the chance of the events taking place in my mind happening is minimal. But even if those incredibly unlikely set of circumstances came to pass, at the end of it, why would I think that I have to leave? Why would I think that I wouldn’t be wanted?

Fred Kofman once told a story about an old couple in a restaurant having an incredibly tense conversation over dinner. The restaurant went quiet just in time for the woman to say ‘It’s not about the chicken, Harry, it’s about the last 20 years.’

It’s not about the small piece of feedback, Robbie. It’s about something much deeper.

On another day and in another article, I could tell the stories of where that feeling might come from, that fear that I’ll be sent away, that I'm not wanted, and the desire to protect myself from that. Sometimes it’s useful to unpack those stories, to tell them in full so that you can really empathise with yourself for your worries.

More importantly in this article is that after seeing that pattern in my mind, I wrote a part of my definition of success today: that awareness frees the soul.

Because last night, I was wrapped up in my thinking and far from my highest self. Love from my wife and the chance to hold my daughter; food; water; they all helped. (And never forget to refuel yourself: perhaps the most common reasons people find it hard to access their higher selves is probably that they are dehydrated, hungry or tired. And if those aren't the most common reasons, perhaps an absence of connection and love are.)

Awareness, awareness frees the soul. It allows the higher self to emerge. Seeing that pattern - the pattern that deep down, perhaps, I expect to be sent away if I get something wrong - does something to me. Knowing that – which is new to me, today – frees me. No more am I the victim of that pattern, unaware, subject to it. Now it is an object I can see. There is that small space between me, the deeper me, and that pattern. Because if there wasn’t, how could I notice it? And now I can see it, I – the real me, the deep me, the high me, the soul – can be free to choose.

Less afraid, more loving, and free to choose.