Create Your Own Myth

First published on November 11, 2020

I had a strange moment when speaking to my coach last year. I had been wondering whether to do something: whether to pitch one of my books to a particular publisher. As I was reflecting with her, I let out a resigned sigh. 'I'm going to have to do it, aren't I?' I said, really kind of wishing I didn't, wishing I could let myself believe the worries in my head which would keep my head below the parapet and keep me safe from rejection. But here's where it gets interesting: before I knew what was happening, I had said 'Submitting to this publisher sounds like the kind of thing Robbie Swale would do.'

And you know what, it's true. And the funny thing about that is, it's far from the first time I've used a thought experiment like that. But it was the first time I'd used it about myself.

What would a really successful coach do?

That's a question I used to rely on a lot as I started my business. So often I would feel trapped and stuck in a situation, unsure whether to send an email to a client, whether to chase up someone who hadn't replied, whether to charge for something or what to charge. Any number of business dilemmas. And then I would ask myself the question above and it would almost always guide me.

I still use it now. Earlier this year, I was invited to do some work with a new company, along with a few other coaches I knew. I started worrying about how much to quote them for the work: 'I wonder what she's charging,' I thought. And: 'I should really get more than that coach.'

And then I caught myself worrying, asked myself the question above and realised: a really successful coach would just work out what amount of money they are happy to do the work for, and that honours their skill and pitch that because that's how much they cost. And so I did. Perfect.

What would Rich Litvin do?

Rich was a coach of mine, and of all the coaches I've seen work he is perhaps the most masterful at enrolling clients. So when I was speaking to someone who I might work with, as I was trying to level up my work to a new level, I would sometimes ask myself, 'What would Rich do here?' Rich is a bold, direct, presence-based and loving coach. A good person to think about.

And here's a funny thing: Rich knows that people do this with him. Because people like me tell him we do. He says he sometimes asks people what the Rich voice in their head told them to do... and he says it's almost always better than what he would have really said.

What would Beyoncé do?

This was the question that a friend of mine once said she was going to ask when deciding what to do. Her intention on her upcoming holiday was - I think - to bring more boldness into her life, but it might have been a different quality. Either way, Beyoncé felt like the embodiment of how my friend wanted to be.

And then another friend of ours told us something cool: Beyoncé has an alter ego who she inhabits on stage, Sasha Fierce.

So whilst for us, inhabiting Beyoncé may help us embody everything we want to embody, Beyoncé uses the very same trick for herself.

Write Your Own Myth

And this brings us back to my realisation last year. And not just last year. I have had it again since. I was procrastinating and resisting launching my new community for coaches. And then I caught myself and I thought, 'Wait. I know me. I'm not going to NOT launch this. I'm definitely going to launch it at some point. So it might as well be now.' Essentially, 'What would Robbie Swale do here?'

Accidentally, by having a writing practice which has lasted over four years, by having a coaching practice which has lasted over five years, by acting with integrity more and more and more, making sure as far as possible that I am always in line with my values, I have written my own myth. I know what I would do, on my best days, when I am my Higher Self.

I'm not someone who has an idea like sending a book to a particular publisher and then doesn't.

I'm not someone who avoids sharing something scary forever, even if I am someone who does that for a while.

But I used to be. I used to do both those things. Regularly.

And it's important to know what to do when we don't feel at our best. When we don't feel like our Higher Selves.

So choose the avatars that you will use when you're struggling, the people who embody the qualities that you embody on your best days. The people you admire, who have the qualities you want to embody in the future.

And then start acting like them.

In doing that, you will create your own myth.