The Magic of Small Leadership

First published on July 31, 2019

The psychologist and coach Robert Holden told a story about leadership at a recent workshop I was at. He spoke about a friend of his whose leadership he deeply admired: she changed the face of her town by what I'll call Small Leadership. And I'll say at the outset, that Small Leadership, in a society, is what I believe matters far, far more than Big Leadership.

The Small Leadership that Holden's friend exhibited was by hanging a hanging basket outside her shop. This Small Leadership and the conversations it created changed things, slowly at first and then faster and faster. Soon, the high street of the town she lived in had hanging baskets everywhere, the environment was beautiful, more plants were planted. What amazing Small Leadership.

Seth Godin talks about this, too, he talks about how someone in a community he knows showed Small Leadership. To support the local school in budget troubles, someone (he doesn't know who) hung blue ribbons on a tree in their yard. The blue ribbon is an award given to schools exhibiting excellence, which the whole town was proud their school had received. Other blue ribbons followed, across the town and the school budget was changed.

Holden's story reminded me of one of the ways I show Small Leadership. I decided to do this after an experience several years ago. I was investigating what career path to choose, and went along to several open evenings for psychotherapy courses. I met a really great guy, Alex, at one of them. We had great conversations, but we didn't agree a way to stay connected. I felt sad afterwards: I had got on really well with Alex, and I didn't have many friends at the time who were as interested in how people work as I was. He felt like he could have been that person.

Then the universe helped me. At another psychotherapy open evening a few weeks later, the same guy was there. This time, we got the tube home together. But we still hadn't agreed to stay in touch. Just coming to the final stop, I realised I wasn't willing to let this opportunity go, so I said: 'I'd really like to stay in touch. Would that be ok?' or something like that. It was like asking someone out. He said, 'I'd really like that' and we swiftly swapped email addresses before one of us had to get off.

I've realised that ever since then I have been taking Small Leadership in creating connection in my life. I have busted through my Resistance about staying connected with people. I'm always now the person who says 'How can I stay in touch?' and collects emails or LinkedIn contacts or whatever. And I'm the person who goes online after an event and tracks down the people I had great conversation with. That might be why some of you are reading this.

I show the leadership and then I trust them to say 'I'd rather not' or ignore my email or whatever if they don't want to. That's fine: I've done my bit for creating more connection in the world, just like someone who hangs a hanging basket or a blue ribbon has done their bit.

The thing is, Small Leadership is how everything changes. Matt Ridley, in his fascinating book, The Evolution of Everything, makes an argument that there are no great people. It's similar to Malcolm Gladwell's argument in Outliers: there are just really good people who happen to be in the right place at the right time.

What matters, then, once someone has been in the right place at the right time, is how everyone else responds. It's how everyone else shows Small Leadership. It's one thing to be - let's say - Daniel Goleman, who as I understand made popular the phrase Emotional Intelligence. But it's another to be one of the millions of people who saw that was important and used it to create a more empathic world.

It's one thing to be Brené Brown, and (as she would probably say) stumble accidentally on creating an amazing TED Talk. It's another to take Small leadership in each of our lives to be more vulnerable with those around us and change the world.

It's one thing to create an innovation in education or business. And it's another to take Small Leadership by taking action in your life and spreading that innovation to improve people's lives.

Don't think that Big Leadership is better than Small Leadership. Taking Small Leadership in the ways that matter to you: perhaps kindness, or smiling, or love, or conversations with strangers, or aesthetics, or courage. That is what matters.

What you do matters. In every small way you create change.

That is the magic of Small Leadership.