What Happens In Our Life Shows Us What We Are REALLY Committed To
First published on June 10, 2020
It's good to keep an eye on the messages the universe is sending. To paraphrase a beautiful quote I first heard from Robert Holden, 'God spoke to me in flowers and I almost missed it because I was waiting for words.'
Recently, I've had a message. It came in words, although not through prayer or anything so traditional.
First, I picked up a book I first got as a leaving present from Clore Leadership Programme in 2017. I first heard of one of the authors, Jim Dethmer, back in 2016 on the Coaches Rising summit. I had started reading it before, but never got past the first chapter or so. Last month was the month when I started it and continued reading. I know I'm going to read all of it this time - I have that feeling.
The book is The 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership, and commitment number one, in essence, is a commitment to radical responsibility. It is a commitment to shift to taking 100% responsibility for ourselves every time we find our self slipping into the drama triangle of victim, villain or hero, all of which Dethmer and his co-authors believe are examples of unconscious leadership, of blame and of taking too little or too much responsibility. One aspect of radical responsibilty is this: to learn from all the feedback we get. One of the key areas of feedback is our results: the results we get show us what we are really committed to. That's not always comfortable. But, as my friend Minor said when I interviewed him on The Coach's Journey, if you look at the three biggest problems in your life, whatever they are, they have something in common: YOU.
Then, I heard 'another' message. I'm taking a training right now with Coaches Rising, The Power of Embodied Transformation. I thought of taking this training last year, but the timing didn't work. This year I made sure I had space and was lucky as they moved the days so that it didn't clash with one of my coaching groups. One of the tenets of somatic coaching is essentially this: that we are always practising something, some shape, some way of being (this is why if we want to change ourselves deeply, we need to practise that new way of being). We become what we practise the most, so if we want to see clearly what we are practising so that we can change, we simply need to look at what we are.
This, of course, is essentially the same message. That no matter what we may say or think, the deepest truth of what we are committed to is shown in what happens in our life, in our results. This has been the message I have heard from the universe this week. As I say, this is not always comfortable.
If we find ourselves busy all the time, tired every evening, there is a deep commitment there to something.
If our relationships always break down after a certain amount of time, there is a deep commitment there to something.
If we procrastinate around the work we say we want to do, there is a deep commitment there to something.
If we get angry and irritated with our children on a regular basis, there is a deep commitment there to something.
If we never take the steps towards more fulfilling work, there is a deep commitment there to something.
We become what we practise, and we are always practising.
Now these practices, they take care of something. Dethmer and his colleagues talk about the fundamental needs for approval, control or security. Alta Starr and Richard Strozzi-Heckler (two of the teachers on the somatics course) talk about belonging, safety and dignity. These are deep needs.
The commitment to radical responsibility gives us a sense of freedom, but it is, as Jordan Peterson might say, a dreadful freedom. Because it's on us. But, if we want to change our lives, it is far preferable to be aware that there is some deep commitment present, which is taking care of something, which is why we behave in these ways we do, why we find these patterns in our lives that we do.
It's better to know. Then we can begin to practise something different. We can begin to choose something new.