What to Do When Things Are Wrong: Stop Them Getting Worse, Then Clear Up the Mess

First published on January 22, 2020

Here's a pattern I've noticed, which affects many of us (me included).

Something is wrong in our life. We know it is. It might be out of hand, messy, out of control, or all of the above. But we don't do anything about it. And then the next day, week, month or year we get a sinking feeling as we think about that thing again... And realise we didn't do anything about it last time. And now it's worse. And again, and again, and again.

We don't approach and solve the problem because it feels too big or too messy or both for us to do anything about: anything we might do would barely make a dint in the mess we can see, or at least that's what it feels like. 

It has been in my mind in the last few weeks because my sister and I have been talking about how we manage our finances, particularly our finances as self-employed people. 

As we discussed the ways we have worked to make things better, we saw a pattern in the way we have done this. And what's more, I don't think it only applies to our finances.

The pattern is, essentially, this: first and most importantly, take some steps to stop the situation getting worse. You might not be able to stop it getting worse completely at the first attempt. But if you can make sure it is getting less worse today than yesterday, that will do. I've written elsewhere about the steps I took with my finances to get them under control (essentially to stop them getting worse); my sisters steps are similar but different with hers.

Then - and only then - when things are definitely not getting worse, worry about clearing up the mess that has already been created. 

Because mostly we know the steps to be in a better state, to have whatever it is not be wrong in our life. That is, we know how it would look if everything were good. What stops us going towards that is the mess we can see in the meantime. 'There's no point sorting my finances for next year,' we think, 'Because I need to worry about THIS year.'

But that's not true. If things are a mess now, and in the past, then the ONLY part of things you can sort for sure, right now, in this moment, is the future. So fix that.

Once that's fixed, you know exactly what you need to do: keep the future tidy or on track (way less effort than clearing it up down the line) and then fix what's already happened. That's important: to know what it is you have to do to fix the situation, as clearly and crisply as possible. Knowing crisply and clearly, for example, exactly how much money we need to pay off and by when. That might be painful to work out, and to sort out, but it has to be done. Or at least it does if you want whatever this thing is not to be wrong in your life. 

And, let me say again, this isn't just finances (although it is finances for many of us). It's also other practical mess: tidiness of our house, the mould in the bathroom of our rental property, how we manage our diary and our priorities. And it's the relational mess: the friendship we have neglected, our fractured tensions in our parental home, the toxic partner who is damaging us. And it's the mental mess: the habits we have got into, the trauma we have suffered, the deep, deep sadness we carry.

So, where is the mess in your life? Where do you KNOW something is wrong? 

What would it look like if things were good? And how do you take steps to make sure you have stopped it getting further from that, stopped it getting worse? 

Then, what is the mess in the past that is left? How do you take steps to see that as clearly as possible? And, once you can see it, how do you take steps to begin to clear it up in the timeframe available, whether that is the next tax year, by the time your tenancy runs out, the rest of your parents' lives, or the rest of yours?