You Can't Think Yourself Hugged

First published on September 22, 2021

It can be fascinating to observe the similarities between the ways that societies work and the ways that we each function as individual humans in those societies.

Last year, in the height of the early pandemic, I heard a journalist observing the value of the division of roles in society that David Goodhart outlines in his book Head Hand Heart. In the midst of the pandemic, the journalist observed, it was clear just how much our society was kept functioning by the heart (care work – perhaps in that moment particularly doctors, nurses, care home workers, teachers and more) and the hand (more manual work – in the first lockdown, particularly the delivery drivers and supermarket workers). The observation, further, is that in our society we reward the head (the ‘intellectual’ roles – lawyers, accountants, consultants and more) far more than the heart or hand. And that, in the face of the pandemic, and indeed the political upheaval of the last few years, this needs careful thought to ensure the balance is correct.

But it is not just as societies that we value the head over the heart and the hand. Take, for example, ‘the mental health crisis’. Outlined and named as a problem of the cognitive functions, of the head. Undoubtedly, we speak as though anxiety and worry are front and centre among the causes of misery in the life of many British people.

And yet personally, so often, the solution to my personal ‘head’ problems, are not solved by the head. When I’m in trouble, it’s almost always because I’m thinking too much. I’m an expert thinker – there’s no doubt about that. Trained by an education system which deals almost entirely with the head (with the hand a little more present than the almost entirely absent heart), then by choice in study of mathematics at university, I can look at a problem from all sides.

The problem I have, in truth, is this: you can’t think yourself hugged.

Mostly, when I am all over the place in anxiety and worry I don’t need a solution to the problem, I don't need help thinking. I need something that will settle my nervous system so that I can be calm enough to choose a way forward. I need a heart solution.

The heart solution (and a hug – a proper one, let’s be clear – is a good heart solution to many problems) can settle my nervous system. Sometimes that’s a necessary first step; sometimes a hand step can come first: action, practical action. I learnt a few years ago, for example, that thinking really hard about money worries just makes things worse. Thinking a little and then taking some action, that makes things change.

And so, we need those three things to be integrated, to be appreciated and to be used, for each of their values: the head, the heart, the hand. If we can use, understand, hold and value all three aspects of our selves, then there is really very little we can’t face down.

And the same, of course, is likely true of our societies. But the reflections between societies and individuals go both ways. And I have seen several people modelling not three, but four aspects of us as individuals: four intelligences, or four types of energy that we need to replenish. Mental, emotional and physical, yes. And spiritual.

And so the question for our societies becomes, from where does our meaning come? How do we value the spiritual aspects of societies? How do we hold, appreciate, use and integrate those?

But for you (and me), for now, just remember: you can’t think yourself hugged.