How our Rights have taken meaning from our lives, and how Responsibility can bring it back

First published on February 16, 2018

There is an epidemic of crippling choice in the modern world. It is a sense - despite the fact that we have more possibilities open to us than ever, despite the fact that more opportunities are open to more people than ever, that the world is more equal than ever, that more of us than ever have the wealth and education to make choices rather than being trapped at the whims of someone else - of listlessness. We are a ship adrift on an ocean with no horizon in site, as one of my clients told me when we first met.

But how can this be? I had seen it many times with clients, but it was only when I watched a documentary about - and then saw speak - the clinical psychologist and extraordinary thinker Jordan Peterson, that I began to see the answer.

Peterson speaks about Rights, and about Responsibilities. And he brought a distinction that I had never seen before. That meaning in our lives - the direction to sail our ship in - comes from Responsibilities and never from Rights.

What touched me about this is that Peterson speaks directly, in this in particular, to men. Because there is something particularly masculine about Responsibility.

I was on a course, last year, where two sessions were led by Karen Kimsey-House, an extraordinary woman who - among other things - founded CTI, one of the world's largest and best coach training programmes. She spoke about the importance of bringing both the Sacred Feminine and the Sacred Masculine into our work.

It is this that I believe Peterson is speaking to when he speaks of Rights and Responsibilities.

Rights are a part of the Sacred Feminine. They are a sense of potential - the chance to do anything - and they are a void.

Responsibility is a part of the Sacred Masculine. It is a lightning bolt of drive. Responsibility brings possibility, and demands action and direction.

And we each need some measure of each of these in our lives.

Even for women, where the Sacred Feminine likely makes up more of their spirit, this is felt in the modern world: as the traditional Responsibilities have disappeared with the new Rights and choices available, some of the most difficult challenges appear. Women now have the Right to choose to have a career, to choose to have a family, to choose to have children by themselves if they wish, to choose to never have them. And this choice is cause for celebration. And their Responsibility is gone: no longer are they held by the traditional Responsibility to hold the family, to look after the house. No longer, even, do we have the Responsibility to the human race to have several children to continue the development of our species. No longer do we have a Responsibility to our family to continue our line - we don't think like that any more. And whilst these rights should be celebrated, I have seen many women - in their late 20s and 30s - sitting across from me wrestling with the choice in front of them. What is their Responsibility? What is their Responsibility to society, to the women who went before and fought for these rights, to their feelings, to their family, to the deepest part of their souls?

But this challenge is particularly keen and painful for those of us whose characters - whether through gender or some other mix of factors - hold more of the Sacred Masculine. It is the crisis for men in the modern world, as our traditional roles have been taken away from us and we are left adrift in the void.

No longer are we needed as a provider and protector for our women and our families, for our societies. No longer are we required to fight for our values or for our country. No longer are we - in many cases - even needed by our communities. Indeed, many of us find we are not part of any of the traditional communities - villages, churches - which have been a part of human culture for millennia. There is no societal message on the Responsibility of a man in the modern world. Not an active one, not a lightning bolt of Responsibility. There is just a vacuum: do not do these things. Ok, so then what?

What do we do now? What do we - men and women - have Responsibility for now that the old frameworks are gone, and the Rights and choice which have been fought for are here?

Well, now we have to choose. Now we have to look around ourselves and choose to have Responsibility. Decide to take on this thing - Responsibility - which will bring meaning to our lives and take the human race that bit closer to heaven or utopia. And decide to offer Responsibility to others - particularly the men in your life - to bring them with you, to give them meaning, to show them they can change things. You don't know how much difference you can make - to yourself, to your family, to your community, to the world - and until you take Responsibility, you won't find out.