There is a Deeper Truth, and it is Worth Seeking

First published on October 24, 2017

One of the reasons that I enjoy listening to the Tim Ferriss show is some overlap of shared worldview with the host. There are many ways that this shows up - at least in appearance, across thousands of miles and hundreds of minutes of audio - and curiosity about people and a general sense of optimism and wonder about humans and the world are the tip of that.

Today, listening to Tim's recent interview I found the guest - Richard Branson - making me feel a little contraction around some of his views. They didn't seem to add up with mine, or with many of Tim's guests, in a few areas.

And, as has been my practice for a number of years, on feeling contraction, I got curious (because, as Guy Sengstock once said, the opposite of contraction isn't openness, it's curiosity). And here's what I saw: as well as my belief in our ability to interpret our reality in so many different ways, to decide it, to make it up, to choose our own adventure, I believe there is a deeper truth, and it is worth seeking. This leads me to triggers and disagreements and discomfort when I see someone missing what I see as an important, fundamental detail.

So when Branson says all wars can be avoided, essentially through negotiation, I want to get him in a room and ask him how you negotiate with someone who kills little girls at a pop concert because they are infidels. And there are two parts of that: I want to point out that he may not have seen all of it, but I also want to know the answer. Richard Branson is an arch-deal maker. How would he make the deal with Isis? Then, he might learn and I might learn. And the truth comes closer for both of us.

But here's how I think I may show up in that fictional conversation, that disagreement. I worry that it may sound like I don't want an end to war. But I do. It's just that I'm not sure Richard has got it quite right. I find myself in similar conversations with people in real life - my aunt, for instance, may think I believe that it's no problem if tigers become extinct, because I pointed out to her that headlines are rarely written about the species of animals which are appearing in the world. An old friend may think I believe there is no space for supporting others through a welfare state, or no point in regulation of business, because I spoke about the power of the free market to change the word.

And it makes me wary. It makes me wary of sharing those views. This week, in the face of the Me Too hashtag on Facebook, I felt a call to speak to the men out there, like me, who gave always tried to live an honest, good life, but have undoubtedly done things - things they regret - which will have spawned one more Me Too, posted on Facebook or not. But - and I think some of this is real, although some is just in my fear - expressing one of these views is often seen and responded to, particularly online, as a denial. As a No, But. In fact, it's meant as a Yes, And.

And there is a choice in that moment, for each of us as we read or hear the view of someone we disagree with. We can choose our own reality here. We can see these comments by people we disagree with as a No, But. As false. As something which is never true and never will be. Or we can see it as a Yes, And. Somewhere in the words someone is speaking to you is a truth. A truth of theirs. A truth of ours.

Yes, we could negotiate more with people before fighting them. And, sometimes people can't be reasoned with.

Yes, tigers going extinct would be an enormous tragedy. And we can enjoy the wonder of a new species of cricket evolving on a Hawaiian island.

Yes, we need to regulate business and look after the most vulnerable people. And, we need to notice what the amazing rise of the free market economy has done to improve the lives of billions by almost any measure. 

Yes, we need to care for, and speak for, and listen to, and empower women who have been through terrible, terrible experiences. And, we need to notice those who are regretting their actions, and help them to know that although they did bad, it is not that they are bad.

This is the truth as I see it. What do you see?