We Don't All Get Happy Endings

First published on May 10, 2018

I was talking to my brother the other day. We were speaking of relatives - different, not shared ones, which is possible as we're half brothers - who find themselves, in the latter stages of their lives, ill and alone.

And he said, 'I realised that we don't all get happy endings.'

These words stayed with me.

This isn't about death. We all go there. It isn't about dying surrounded by our family, we can't all have that. 

It's about an end to our lives, of years or even decades, trapped in our home by an inward spiral of illness and aloneness. 

You may know someone like this. 

And the rub is this: it happens through a series of circumstances. Yes, maybe there are certain ones among us who by genes or chance are made more likely to end up like that. But it could happen to any of us. And some of these circumstances are within our control.

We have to believe that. 

They aren't easy things, though. There are choices. Decisions we make. Life is hard. It is suffering. It hurts. And it is choosing - deciding - in the face of hard, in the face of suffering, in the face of hurt. It is about fighting a battle against life. Refusing to back down. 

It is about leaning. Always leaning. Whenever you can. Leaning out, not in.

Towards connection, not disconnection. 

Towards trust, not mistrust. 

Towards kindness, not cruelty. 

Towards little changes, not paralysis.

Towards love, not hurt. 

Towards curiosity, not judgment. 

Towards 'I don't know', not 'I'm certain'.

Towards courage, not cowardice.

Towards receiving, not just giving. 

Towards giving, not just receiving. 

Towards vulnerability, not false invulnerability. 

Towards recommitting, not giving up.

Towards reaching out, not retreating in. 

It's hard, sometimes. I know. 

But we don't all get happy endings. So please. Please. Lean with me.