Worry: A Scourge of our Times

First published on April 6, 2018

Ah, worries. What a scourge you are.

Last night I was worried. I looked at my diary for today and it was busy. A call in the morning, just one hour between that and my next call, in which I would need to eat lunch and prepare. Then a short gap, and another call. Then a short gap, and another call. Not only that, but none of these are ongoing clients, where everything works itself. Instead they were a mixture of prospective clients and new clients. All need thought, energy and preparation. There was no time for me to breathe between calls, let alone prepare. And I've been ill. I've been sick for about two months, with one or two or three colds or viruses draining me. I've needed time between calls. I've needed long breaks, sometimes naps in the day. And these calls mattered: they are new and prospective clients who I am excited about. I want to work with them - if, of course, that's the right thing for us to do. I want it to go well.

So, of course, I worried. I did some preparation late into the night - I didn't mind too much as it was interesting. But even at my best, a day like today would stretch me to the edge of my energy. And my worries kept me up late. Even the latest novel of my favourite authorcouldn't switch my brain off until about 1am. So less sleep, so less energy, so more worry.

And then today. My first call ended, perfectly, 45 minutes early. Suddenly time was opening up. My second call was postponed. More time. Time for lunch, time to chat with my sister. Time to read more of the great book.

And my energy is here. Touching wood, perhaps I'm on the mend. I have the energy for today.

And, in this case, suddenly, nothing to worry about. Three calls instead of four, enough energy to manage them. One done, and beautifully done. Two done, three done.

But what about that energy from yesterday. That wasted energy of worry.

What a scourge it is.

Gay Hendricks, in his brilliant book The Big Leap, says worry is one of the biggest signs of our Upper Limit Problem. That is, the systems and patterns we create for ourselves which hold us back from happiness. Want to check if you have an Upper Limit Problem, sabotaging yourself from being as happy as you could be? Worry is a good way to check. Now not all worry is bad. In my case, some of the worry got me doing the preparation last night, which made me more prepared, particularly in case no calls were cancelled. That worry set me up for a good day, with or without a cancellation.

But some is bad or, at least, a part of our Upper Limit Problems. You can check this.

First, is this a real worry? i.e. Is what I am worried about based in the real world?

Second, is there anything I can do to affect it and mitigate it?

For instance, I am worried I haven't locked my front door, and it doesn't have a catch so might be standing open (this was a real worry of mine c2011). This is a problem in the real world. I've done it before, and it's risky because a lot of people walk past my front door. And there is something I can do to affect it. My friend Fergus walks to work past my house. I text him and ask him to check. He's just walking past as he gets the message. The door is locked. And if it wasn't, he could have helped.

Thank you, worry. That was useful.

But how about this. It's a common one among coaches - I caught myself doing it today. What if I do all these things that might connect me to great clients and then I end up with too many clients? I kid you not, several coaches I have worked with have shared this with me. I have felt it. I felt it today.

Now if that isn't an Upper Limit Problem, I don't know what is. I am worrying that, and perhaps I am also doing things to mitigate it - to stop me getting too many clients - when in fact the opportunity to work with more clients - or refer them to other professionals - is an exciting thing. The kind of thing that makes me happy. And, of course, it's not even in the real world: I have capacity to work with more clients. So I am just wasting energy. Now I'm better at dealing with worry than I used to be - so I caught that one early, snorted at my own ridiculousness, and moved on.

But I'm not always able to do that. I've done a lot of work on it and still I'm not able to do it. And here's the thought: what would the world be like if we could lift the population out of and away from the scourge of worry?

Even if we just relieved everyone of 10% of the energy they expend on worries outside of the real world or outside our sphere of influence. How much happier would we be? What might we do with that energy? What might the world be like?

So catch yourself, in those moments of worry. Ask yourself those questions. And trust that the universe will probably give you a gift to make it a perfect day anyway. Perhaps a cancellation. Perhaps light at the end of a tunnel of illness.

And, even if it happens, it's almost never as bad as your worry tells you.