'Who am I to do this?' - Two Ways To Tackle This Pernicious Question

There are some phrases in the slightly strange world of pop psychology that almost lose their meaning sometimes, and warrant closer examination. Work-Life Balance is one I've written about before. Purpose is another. So is this pernicious question, 'Who am I do to do this?'

The common response, as with other similar things like 'Imposter Syndrome' is often to try to simply dismiss it or to 'push through it'. Unfortunately, like many parts of us, simply pushing away or using 'effort' doesn't seem to be very effective. Never forget: there is always some value in the old patterns we have, some way in which they could or have kept us safe; some way in which they are or could be right. Acknowledging that, and therefore allowing that part of us to relax, is often a far more effective tactic than simply telling it that it's wrong. (This also happens to apply when you're talking to someone who you disagree with.)

And that brings us to two ways to respond to the question, Who am I to do this?

1) Answer the question.

You almost alway can answer that question, although sometimes you'll need help from someone outside of yourself to do it, or you'll only see it afterwards. Almost always, though, you are the right person to do the thing you are being called to.

Who am I to start a coaching business? I'm the person who has been creating really amazing line management supervision meetings for a decade.

Who am I to write a book? I'm the person who has struggled through this situation and has something to say.

Who am I to start a business? I'm the person who has an idea that might work. Yes, it might not work, but it might work. And if it does that will help people.

You can sit down and write out the answers. Don't stop at one. Write out at least ten. 'I'm the person to do this because...' At least ten times, maybe more. If you can't get to ten, get some help. Then write them on a bit of paper and remind yourself of it every time you need to.

I have a word document called something dull like 'testimonial bank', but beautiful in its content. And every time I asked myself 'Who am I to publish a book?' in the last quarter of last year, I thought of that document or read it. Now, I think of the amazing testimonials in the front of it. That's who I am to do this. The person who these people said those things about.

2) Accept it. It's right. You aren't who you need to be... yet.

Speaking to a colleague as part of my 100 Podcasts Challenge last week, I had a new thought, at least I think it was new. She raised the idea of the 'Who am I?' question, and because we were in the middle of a discussion about resistance and creativity and habits and identity, what came out of me was something like this:

The thing is, you aren't the person who can do that before you start. But that's not a reason to not start. The only way to become that person is to take the leap. Only when it's done are you the person who can do it.

That's true of any journey of growth, any Hero's Journey. The person who starts it isn't the person who finishes it. If the person who starts it is afraid they won't get through it alive, that's because they won't: they'll die. But they'll be reborn anew with greater capabilities, transcending and including what came before.

Who are you to do this thing?

Good point. Thanks. That's an important reminder. I need to grow. I need to be more. So now's the time to do that growth, to start becoming more. I'm not the person who can do it, yet. But I'll get there.

What that requires then, is courage. That greatest of human qualities - perhaps the second greatest, actually, after love. We have to set out on our task knowing that 'Who am I to do this?' has a point. Knowing that we don't have what it takes.

Yet.

And, as Jack Black's character says in High Fidelity, 'But the word... yet'.

That changes everything.

Nothing will change your perspective on yourself more than doing something that requires courage and seeing yourself come through it alive.

I'm not someone who can definitely do this. Yet.

I don't have what it takes. Yet.

Who am I to do this? I don't know...

Yet.

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This is the latest in a series of articles written using the 12-Minute Method: write for twelve minutes, proof read once with tiny edits and then post online. 

The first 12-Minute Method Book - How to Start When You're Stuck - is out now!