Create structures in your life. And then be ready to break them.

One of the most powerful frames for thinking about our lives and our struggles - and, indeed, life itself - is the wrestling match between stability and novelty, order and chaos.

So many times in my life it has been these two universal constants getting too out of balance that has unbalanced my life or work and led to the most difficult periods. Unconscious attempts to address those problems have almost never solved them. But through conscious, wise redressing of the balance, then I have a chance.

Every moment, on every level of existence, can be looked at as a balance or synthesis between stability and novelty. From the dance of evolution (mutate enough to create the chance for selection but not so much that the species can't procreate) to the career frustrations of a modern human (getting bored by too much stability where nothing changes or unsettled by the chaos of job uncertainty or a huge reorganisation in the company).

How many relationships, too, have been destroyed because a couple didn't find the way to create enough novelty once the early romance wore off and the pressures of life piled up? Instead of the unconscious search for novelty, look for the ways to introduce just enough spark into a relationship - it might take less than you think.

In my life, and my work, this dance is constant. Many times in my life the size of projects or possibilities of different directions get so overwhelming for me that the only way I can create stability and feel safe is to do nothing. But underneath, this is a stifling stability. What I learned through this writing practice was that creating even a tiny bit of stability (12 minutes a week) led to more creativity than I could possibly have imagined.

That doesn't mean it's easy to remember. The same thing repeated recently - the sheer size and sense of possibility (novelty) in my 100 Podcasts Challenge made it feel impossible and overwhelming. To solve it, luckily I had my book, a reminder of the 12-Minute Method. And so I set aside 30 minutes a week - just enough stability to allow for all the novelty, chaos and creativity to take over in teh challenge. Here's where I am with the challenge so far - I definitely need to get going again!

We live in a world that specialises in sucking us into novelty - that's part of the result of capitalism and the internet: a myriad of possible, shiny things, all available to us all the time. In that world, some stability is - in my view - vital. Without certain structures, boundaries, values and habits, we accidentally wake up five years later (if we're lucky - 50 if we're not) having done none of the things that really matter to us. With those structures, we can keep time for our loved ones, ourselves, our art, the things that light up our souls.

And then here the dance is again. The world changes. We change. That means we can't hold the structures, boundaries, values and habits too tightly. If we do, we're like the species that never evolves, or the organisation that never changes. In the end, we are stifled out of existence, lifeless. We have to allow that spark of novelty, that spark of possibility for change even in the structures we put in place.

Not so much that Resistance gets us and distracts us from what matters.

But enough so that when we realise the stability we have created is no longer serving us, we can change it.

Here's one of my favourite frames, which I learned from Jordan Peterson in his (aptly titled for this article) book, Beyond Order. You shouldn't break rules unless you know the rule and its purpose so well that you are able to wisely and confidently know that breaking the rule is more in the spirit of the rule than keeping to the rule.

Another way of thinking about this I learned from Myles Downey, talking about acting and also coaching: there are no rules, but you have to know them.

When my daughter was born, I realised my rules about doing no work in the evenings and at the weekend were getting in the way of what they were there for. They were supposed to give me time to recharge so I was less stressed and they were supposed to create space to do what I wanted to do. Now, they were making me more stressed and stopping me doing things I wanted to do (in this case, a little extra work in the evenings).

Create structures. Without them, the world is a very, very hard place to live. Create ones that serve you.

And then remember: there will always come a time in life where you will want to consider if that structure still serves, or if instead it needs a new spark of novelty.

—

This is the latest in a series of articles written using the 12-Minute Method: write for twelve minutes, proof read once with tiny edits and then post online. 

The first 12-Minute Method Book - How to Start When You're Stuck - is out now!