Everyone is polishing what they show the world.
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I got an email from a colleague recently. I had reached out to check in, and she had replied, sharing what she was up to.
And I’m not going to lie: what she was up to sounded really cool.
And I felt awful.
I felt the feelings of envy, jealousy and anxiety.
I felt deflation.
And I was just present enough to catch myself before the spiral got going in earnest.
I remembered this: Robbie, if you present only the polished, shiny side of your life, in reply, it will sound just as cool as this sounds. You are doing and going to do some very cool things this year.
But you know the truth of your life.
And you don’t know the truth of this person’s.
So be careful with your comparisons.
Almost all of us present, to the world, only the shiny, polished side. And I’m no exception.
Well, maybe I’m a bit of an exception.
Anyone who has been reading this blog for more than a few weeks will have seen my insides.
But if you read my website, my LinkedIn profile, some of my writing, you don’t get what’s like to really be me.
Mostly, the shiny, polished story is told.
It’s been a tough two years for me.
We’ve had the full range of life.
Business in the last year hasn’t been great.
And here we go again. An incomplete story.
I noticed myself, late last year, having this thought: how, after 10 years, is my business not making me more money more easily than this? How could I have let it get here?
And then, a few minutes later: given how little I work, it’s REMARKABLE I make as much money as I do.
The truth is: both of those things can be true.
Humans love simple stories. We’re evolved for them.
But the world isn’t simple: it’s complex. Always, as Jennifer Garvey Berger wrote in her book Unlocking Leadership Mindtraps, when we find ourselves trapped by simple stores, we should look for at least three stories instead. By the third story, we need can find the shades of grey.
By the third story, we can integrate the first two: the polished outside story, and the unpolished, messy inside story.
We can transcend and include the scarcity-based story (how could I have let it get here? Why am I not earning more?) with the possibility-based story (what is currently happening is remarkable for me!). Both are true, so what is the combined, integrated story that holds both?
Jealousy, envy, anxiety and deflation can shut us down.
But they can also wake us up.
One of my coaches, Bob Gentle, has said to me a couple of times: the thing about jealousy is, we usually feel it about something we know we could do if we pulled our finger out.
Nassim Nicholas Taleb points to envy as a feeling that tells us what we really want.
Anxiety can be an alert for important action, as long as we sense-check it.
There’s probably a value in deflation, too, but here, as we start a new year, moving towards Spring and the seasons of growth, beware it.
Remember:
Everyone is polishing what they show.
AND everyone is a human, with all the messy things that entails.
Comparison robs us of joy.
And you are special.
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PS 📚📚 SALE: The 12-Minute Method books are currently part of a Kindle promotion - if you want to make 2025 the year where you FINALLY do those things you’ve been meaning to do, then why not treat yourself? They’re 99p each for until Monday, which means you can get the whole series for less than £4! (They’re even cheaper in the US - 99c each! BUY YOURS HERE. 📚📚
PPS If you want 2025 to connect you more deeply to your inner sense of integrity and honour, then you might be interested in my latest long-read article. It’s about Mohamed Al-Fayed, Enron and Omar Little from The Wire. It’s called A Man Got to Have a Code: https://www.robbieswale.com/writing/2024/10/11/a-man-got-to-have-a-code-leading-with-honour-iii
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This is the latest in a series of articles written using the 12-Minute Method: write for twelve minutes, proof read once with tiny edits and then post online.