40 Cycles Round the Sun
40 cycles round the sun.
40, and yet, in some ways, has it just begun?
40 winters, 40 springs, 40 summers, 40 times the leaves have fallen.
40 years of searching, sometimes for things that can never be found.
40 years of adventure.
40 years of love and loss.
Is this moment the beginning of the end, or the end of the beginning?
Or is it both?
Is the first 40 years about doing what counts, or about understanding what counts, so that the next 40 can be about doing it?
As Richard Rohr says, is the first half of life simply about finding the starting gate: the raft, not the shore?
40 cycles round the sun.
A blink in the eye of an oak tree.
An eternity for an ant.
40 Januarys.
40 Junes.
And so, so many full moons.
But none like this one. Here, shining on me like I’ve never seen. Moon shadows like sun shadows.
Reflecting on the sea like a sunset.
Nemain of the Moon come to see me, to say,
‘Well done. You made it this far. I’m here. You’re here. Nothing else. Just this.’
And the tide rises, higher than I could have imagined. Faster than I remember.
Closer and closer to me.
Lapping at that stone.
Then this one.
Then the one I’m resting my feet on.
Until, despite how clever and nonchalant I think I am, my foot is wet, and I move.
Manannan of the Sea come to see me, to say,
‘I know you. And you know me. And while you see Her every night, you are mine, too. Come back to me, to learn. Don’t stay away too long.’
40 cycles round the sun.
To find the speck of light, perhaps, that becomes the door.
And now, to step through.
40 cycles round the sun.
To finally, only now, begin to see who I am.
Begin to release, to fill myself, my whole self, with who I am.
40 cycles round the sun.
I made it, when many didn’t.
Each one a gift.
Each containing so much that could be, and so much that was, and so much that never will be.
40 cycles round the sun.
And now, finally, to begin to see.
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PS The latest episode of The Coach’s Journey Podcast isn’t really about coaching, and is definitely not JUST for coaches - it’s about an amazing charity, GiveDirectly, that is close to my heart because its values and how it goes about its work is so aligned with mine and how I go about it. And because it’s work is amazing. The episode focuses on an interview with Stephanie Hill, GiveDirectly’s VP, People, who brings her sharp thinking and years of experience how people learn and grow to bear. I hope you might listen, and I hope you might give some money, directly, to the poorest people in the world: https://www.thecoachsjourney.com/podcast/95-stephanie-hill-from-givedirectly-empowering-through-trust-coaching-cash-and-lasting-impact
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This is the latest in a series of articles written using the 12-Minute Method: write for twelve minutes, proof read once with tiny edits and then post online.