Connecting with Strangers

First published on January 12, 2017

Connecting with a stranger can be a magical moment. 

Today, I ran for a train. The trains are crowded at Clapham Junction sometimes, and there's wasn't much space in the carriage. As I jogged towards the train, a blond woman stepped back, ever so slightly, creating space for me, with a smile. We looked at each other. I said 'thank you'. And I felt better, and I knew what to write about. 

Last night, I walked across Waterloo Bridge. There was a crowd of people looking over it down onto the South Bank. There was a red carpet, for some kind of premier at the BFI. Lots of people were there, journalists and photographers, shouting someone's name. I couldn't for the life of me work out who it was (its hard to see who someone is from a very steep angle). In the end, I asked a couple of cheerful people next to me. They told me it was Ben Affleck, and we joked about how he was wider than expected, or maybe it was just the angle, or maybe it was because he'd just played Batman. I felt better. 

These are small examples, in some ways, and large in others. But the point remains, and works for having longer conversations, at parties, at job interviews, with the person in the coffee shop. We are social animals and we need social interactions. And there's something magical about interactions with strangers. Here are three reasons for that:

• The sense of possibility. Who knows what might come of it?

• The sense of risk. When you put yourself out there, you don't know if someone will respond. It's brave to risk yourself. It's vulnerable. And courage like this is usually rewarded, inside or out.

• The altruism. You don't know what's happening to another person that day. But whether it's good or bad, some unexpected kinship will always improve a day. And that feels good.

And here's the thing. Opportunities for these interactions are everywhere. My girlfriend, Emma, managed to have conversations with four strangers (some in cars, while she was walking) in an eight minute walk. She came back beaming.

When we put our attention on things, we notice them. So put your attention on strangers. Notice them, and connect with them. See what happens.