Frustration

First published on February 3, 2017

Frustration is a tough thing to deal with. It shows up at unexpected times, on a big and a small scale. For me, one of the most common times is when things don't work for me. When I can't find something in its normal place, when technology doesn't work as I expect it. When things don't go as smoothly as they should. 

I find it surprisingly hard, when getting incredibly frustrated that my laptop doesn't work, to remember what an amazing and wonderful thing it is that laptops work at all. 

And the same is true with my frustration with people. It's almost always that they don't behave in the way that I think they should. They don't know what I think in exactly the same way that I do. They behave in a way that really upsets me - they shouldn't do that kind of thing near me. 

Frustration, my colleague Vegard says, is a great path to follow to find your values, the things that really matter to you. If you're feeling frustration, then follow it to its root and you will find something you really care about. 

Frustration can be useful. 

But that doesn't necessarily help you in the moment, when you are (I am) getting incredibly frustrated at not being able to find your medium sized rucksack (it's only a small flat, where hell can it be?!!?). Or does it? 

One of my favourite practices to suggest to clients is that of thanking the voices in your head. Noticing them, remembering they are helpful sometimes, or were once, and saying 'thanks for this, I know you're trying to help, but it's not what I need now.' It's surprisingly powerful. Maybe it can work with frustration, too. 'Thanks, I know you're trying to help here; you're trying to show me something that really matters and get me closer to it. But not now. I need to get to sleep.'

I haven't tried that yet, but I'm looking forward to it.

And if it fails? Breathe.