Releasing the Pressure

First published on February 10, 2017

Ah, the feeling of release from pressure. There's nothing like it. A feeling that things are back in your control, that there is momentum. Often, that is the difference between feeling happy about our lives, and the mounting frustration or deathly emptiness at the other end of the spectrum. 

Clients have spoken to me about it ('If I could just do something so there was a sense of possibility...') and I've also nudged them towards it, coaching them to take the small step which shows them just how in control of their life they are. 

I've done it myself. Shifting from the idea that I'm waiting for something, that the moment I'm looking for is beyond my control, to the realisation that I'm choosing to wait. At that point comes the first release. And at the point where I later take control, that's when things really open up. 

And why is this so important? Why does taking a small step, having a sense of hope, a sense of possibility, make such a difference in our lives? 

Well, I think we all have a deep desire - an evolutionary one - to be in control. To be free to choose. To be free.

It's this that leads to the desire for democratic control, and it played a part in Britain's decision to leave the European Union. Depending on the side you're on you think this is about sticking it to the political classes, or sticking it to the Brussels bureaucrats who don't care a jot about what's going on in annoying little Britain. 

But in our personal lives, the sad thing is that most of the time we are tricking ourselves. We have so much control over our lives. We, especially the we lucky enough to have been born into a western democracy, have more freedom, more control, more agency than any people in the history of the world. More than princes and kings. 

I have to say it is an enormous pleasure and privilege that in my work I get to see people realise that. It's a magical moment.