Giving Ourselves the Things We Need

First published on April 5, 2017

We underestimate what we need. No matter how hard we try to provide for ourselves the things we need to be happy, healthy and whatever else it is that we need to live our life in the way that we want, it feels like we have underestimated it. Or maybe it's that we know how much of these things we need, and we just squeeze them based on other priorities, outside influences. 

Today, I feel like I'm not delivering myself some of the things I need to be happy, healthy, and excited about my life. There are any number of these that I have discovered over the years, and I'm not even sure which I'm not delivering on today. 

This, above, is what I thought as I walked to my train today. Here are three other possibilities. They may be all true, or not may be true. 

First, the ideas above are a project of the Never Enough world we live in. As Brené Brown says, to see how strong a paradigm this is, all you need to do is notice that every day billions of people wake up thinking, usually with some frustration, 'I haven't had enough sleep.' What more sign do we need that this is the overriding sense in our world? 

Second, that I have done my best. I'm providing for myself as well as I possibly can. The evolutionary drive to provide those things to ourselves is strong, but there are other strong things, too. Survival. Duty. Love. And many more. 

Third, that maybe some days we just don't feel happy. Maybe we've provided ourselves with all the things we need, and independently of that, our emotions haven't fallen into line. Because we're imperfect creatures. We are human, after all. 

And sometimes we have to deal with that. Unless we are the mysterious zen type who claims perfect happiness. But I don't believe them, anyway. And for the real deal zen types, it's not about happiness, anyway, it's about acceptance. 

And that is how we deal with it. We accept, and we trust. We accept life for what it is, imperfect, and we trust that we know the way forward. My instinct took me to a particular audiobook this morning, and it was the perfect time to listen to it. It opened me up and I heard it in a different way to how I would at any other time. And I feel better. 

So listen to yourself. Accept, and trust.