Hope and Frustration

First published on March 10, 2017

This morning, as I woke up, I had a flash of what to write about today. It was about that feeling of the light at the end of the tunnel, as you finally realise you are recovering from illness, or you first notice the start of spring. 

But by the time I had got on the train, my chest was tight, and the feeling was far more one of frustration. Annoyance and worry had wormed their way in. 

And I think, in many ways, that light at the end of the tunnel, that hope, is one side of a coin. And frustration is the other. And the coin is agency: control over your own life, control over your own destiny. 

Hope comes from that. It comes from a feeling of possibility. You can make things happen. 

And frustration comes from that. From not being able to make things happen. 

Today, my frustration is mixed with a sense of righteousness. I knew better than this. If people had listened to me we wouldn't be in this mess. 

And can you see how even that comes from lack of control? Because I did know better, but I didn't manage to make things happen. I didn't control the situation. Somehow, through my own thoughts and my perception of the actions of others, I knew what I thought was right, but didn't or couldn't make the happen. 

In this, I remember Fred Kofman's book, Conscious Business, in which he talks about making impeccable commitments. One of the main features of these commitments is that there is no grey area. Everyone knows whose responsibility is what. Once you've read the chapter it becomes apparent how often in everyday life there are grey areas for one person, but not for another. 

It is in these grey areas that we release a great deal of our control. And as we release our agency. We do this through blame, through huffing and gossiping about someone else. Someone who hasn't done something, or has done something which has caused all sorts of trouble for us. 

What if, instead, we took control? What if we used our power over our own lives to help take the grey areas out of these commitments? It isn't easy. People don't want to be held to things, myself included, because in making an impeccable commitment we open ourselves to the possibility of failure. And that fear of failure is powerful. The grey area is safety.

But through these commitments also leads the path to stronger relationships. To better work. To happiness, and hope, and possibility. Because within the commitment is the acknowledgement that we can do this. And when we think we can do it, when we believe we can do it, then everything changes. 

There is the light at the end of the tunnel. There is the possibility.