The Fear of Exposure

First published on November 17, 2016

The fear of being exposed is deep in many of us.

Many of my most powerful childhood memories are of finding myself exposed in different ways. People laughing at me. Me not knowing what the 'right thing to do' was.

Last night, I felt something a powerful emotional reaction to a memory; the memory of a situation. The situation, which came to me while coaching someone about creating connection with others, was of meeting someone and knowing them. I want the connection we have to continue, beyond the perhaps time-limited relationship we currently have. But I'm afraid to say that. I'm afraid to ask. I'm afraid to reach out in case that person doesn't reciprocate. Then I'll be exposed. I'll be there, by myself, heart on my sleeve saying 'I want to connect.' Someone else would be saying 'I don't.'

The strong feeling that took me over as I reflected on this situation, was an intense gratitude from the memory of when someone who I want to connect with - but perhaps am too afraid to reach out to - reaches out to me. When someone else risks exposure to say to me, 'I'd like to connect with you.' And I can say 'Wow, me too.'

In my adult life, I've got better at this. I've got better at offering myself in those situations. But it's still hard. There's still a strong resistance to exposure. The fear of rejection. The fear of being out there, exposed, on a mountainside in a storm. Left there by someone who could have taken you in, who could have connected. Left there by someone to whom you said, 'Here I am. I'm offering to you, in my vulnerability, a part of myself. Share it with me.'

But they don't always leave you there. And in our modern world it's rarely actually a mountainside in a storm. And in that sharing, of course, is love.