The Fear of Exposure II

First published on November 25, 2016

I wrote recently about the fear of exposure. This was about putting yourself out there, offering connection to people. Being willing to say 'here I am'.

There are many ways we hide from this risk, linked to primal fears of being thrown out into the dangers of the wilderness. Here's another one.

We hide in the language we use. We hide what we really think.

I do it, and it was brought into the light by a reflection from my coach, Joel. He pointed out that I sometimes, after I have answered a question or spoken about something that is important to me, finish the sentence with a kind of vocal tick.

Here's what I do.

I answer a question, and in my coaching this is often a question about what I want, the future I want to create, or how I see the world, what is really important me. Thinking back now I can hear the conviction in my voice, and the truth in what I'm saying. And then I end the paragraph, the speech, with a phrase like:

'Or something like that.'

'Maybe...'

'Or at least, I think that's it.'

Great coach that he is, Joel asked me, what's that about?

And the answer is quite clear. I'm hiding. I'm afraid. I'm afraid that if people know what I *really* think, then... Well, then I don't know what happen. They might hate what I think, and then hate me. They might want to kick me out of the tribe.

I want to be loved, like everyone does. It's safer not to risk anything.

But by hiding something else happens. What about the people might be changed by our conviction? Who we might connect with, if they could really feel the core of us, unobstructed by my distraction tactics? And how will we change, if we lean into the message that is coming out of us and let it come?

Where are you hiding?