The Cycles That Help You Flourish

First published on February 15, 2019

Two people talked to me this week about some new ideas about sleep. Apparently, it's not about the number of hours you get that matters. Because sleep is about cycles, and what matters over the course of the week is the number of sleep cycles you get.

And life is like that.

I came back from holiday this week. I spent Monday and Tuesday and most of Wednesday feeling that beautiful recharged, relaxed feeling that I love to have, and that time off work often gives me. Then on Wednesday afternoon or evening, something shifted. I spent Thursday feeling different: edgy, anxious, wondering, worrying. Tired.

This morning, things feel different again. I feel alive, awake, calm, relaxed, recharged. I have a smile on my face as I write this.

That's one of my cycles: relaxed/recharged - edgy/anxious - relaxed/recharged.

Life isn't quite like sleep, though. Because it's not about how many cycles you can get in in a week. Life is about how quickly you can move through the parts of your cycles which stop you from flourishing.

I spoke to a client about this this morning. My suspicious is that all of us, even the Dalai Lama, go through cycles like the one I've just described. But the Dalai Lama (and other incredibly relaxed, calm people) are really good at moving through the edgy/anxious phase fast. So fast. Perhaps even in a single moment. Perhaps, in the end, so fast that they don't even notice it is there. But remember, they are human, too. Just like I am. Just like you are.

My friend Kate does work on resilience: she told me it's not about not suffering or struggling. Resilience is about how quickly you bounce back.

That's what Brené Brown says, too. We all get knocked down, she says. What is interesting is what sets apart the people who flounder after the knocks from whose who rise strong.

So what are the things which help us to bounce back, to rise strong, to move through the difficult parts of the cycle? There are so many, and different ones will help at different times. But here are the ones which emerge from me in this moment. Play with them. choose some to experiment with this week.

Eat well.

Always assume the best of people.

Ask, How could I be wrong?

Sleep well.

Speak about what has happened to you.

Keep a journal.

Don't trust your feelings, they aren't always right.

Don't trust your thoughts, they aren't always right.

Be grateful for what you have.

Listen more to others.

Listen less to the voice in your head - you know the one. Don't listen to it. It might have been useful once, and it might mean well, but it's not helping you to flourish.

Gift yourself something, some thing or time or activity that speaks to your soul.

Spend time in nature.

Sing.

Hold someone close.

Allow yourself to be held.

Smile at a stranger.

Be kind.

Be vulnerable.

Help someone else.

Compare yourself not to others today, but to yourself yesterday.

This, this last one, is perhaps the most important. Remember how long it used to take you to get through the most difficult parts of your cycles. My guess is it used to take longer yesterday - and even longer many yesterdays ago - than it does today. That's great. That's because you've been doing your work.

If you want to make it even shorter, then that's a good ambition. That's the route to a life of flourishing. If that's the case, maybe we should talk. Because that's the work. That's the important work that we should all be doing.