Where Our Greatest Strengths and Our Greatest Struggles Intersect

First published on June 20, 2018

I was at an event in April. I was in a small group speaking about what edge I wanted to lean into that weekend (it was a coaching event, where that is the kind of thing you get asked). For me, it was about worrying less about what people think.

Simon, leading the group, then shared something. He said, 'The thing about worrying about what people think is - to worry about it, you have to be really good at understanding what other people think.'

You see, the thing about the things we struggle with is that they are deeply often connected to the things we do really well. 

My work is about spending time with people, helping them really understand what is going on in their life. A lot of it is about understanding what they think. I wouldn't be as good a coach without having this. 

And the funny thing about this is that as Simon said, it means I am incredibly good at imagining what people may be thinking. 

I am also good at examining things intellectually. I may have always had this, but I honed it in three years at university studying mathematics. That brings an intellectual rigor to the way I solve problems. Looking at things from different angles, trying different ways of solving the problems on for size. 

This is something else my clients value in my work. 

And when you add those together, they hold me back - from writing things, from speaking things, from trying things. Because I am good at understanding what people might be thinking, and at examining what they might be thinking from lots of different angles. And that leads me to worry about what other people think, which leads me to hold back in all sorts of ways from a fear of the possible negative reaction they might have (which I happen to be very good at imagining).

Two of my greatest strengths also adding up to one of the things I have struggled with for many years. 

Of course it didn't start that way. At some point in my life - probably when I went to school, starting formal education aged eight after being educated at home up until that point - it was really important to understand what people thought. I didn't understand the rules, and people at school often thought really differently to how my family did. By learning to understand, I could fit in. I could be safe. 

And that safety mechanism developed into something I could do really well, and many years later I found a profession, coaching, which made full use of this gift. Seeing perspectives, examining problems.

So now the challenge becomes, how do I use the strengths when they help, but let them go when they hold me back? That is the challenge.

But not just for me, for you, too.