Keep a List of Your Failures

First published on May 7, 2019

A couple of weeks ago I was running a workshop, with my friend Jo and her brilliant company, for a group of leading researchers - experts in their fields - at the University of Edinburgh. As part of the workshop two senior leaders - further on in their journey than the participants on the programme - came to talk about their leadership journeys, and one of them did something I had never seen before.

She had spent most of her short talk speaking about the challenges of her job, a role she loved. But before she finished, she listed out all the jobs she had applied for - and failed to get - whilst in her previous role. There were eight jobs on the list. Some she hadn't been even shortlisted for, and she spoke about the challenges of this. The eighth job on the list was the one she was currently in: one she loved; one she had finally been successful with.

Wow, what a powerful lesson. That evening, over dinner, one of the researchers on the programme, shared how he does a similar thing with colleagues just starting out in academia: sharing lists of all the grants he hasn't got, all the papers that haven't been published. 

Thankfully, the explosion of tech companies has - in business at least - shown us the value of being open to failure. But personally, it is still so rare to see someone list, in the cold light of day, the times they haven't made the cut.

On my way to the station today, knowing I would be writing this piece, I opened a spreadsheet I keep of all the coaching I have ever done, since I first started training with The Coaching School in June 2015. The bottom half contains all the people I have been paid to coach. The top half, though, contains a list of all the people I have gifted coaching to but have been paid not a penny by.

There are 141 names on the list. These are people I have coached, giving my absolute best to, but they have not become clients. I have spent a total of 288 hours coaching those people, not one of whom has ever paid me to coach.

They don't feel so much like failures right now. Partly because I have learnt the power of chasing 'No', and partly because I have currently got my equivalence of the leader from the University of Edinburgh's ideal job - I've got the good ending - a group of clients I am inspired to work with. 

But on that list of 141 people are stories of deep upset for me, are people who could have been among the most inspiring clients I could ever hope to work with.

And of course for me, I'm lucky in this case. Because they WERE among the most inspiring clients I could ever hope to work with. They are part of my journey now, just as I am part of theirs.

But make a list of your failures. The relationships that didn't work out. The chances missed. The jobs you didn't get. The clients who said no. Share them (share below if you want to). Raise a glass to them. 

They're part of who you are. You wouldn't be you without them.