The Three Kinds of Thinkers You Need to Continue to Improve Your Thinking

First published on June 19, 2019

Last week, I wrote about three groups of people you need with you on your journey, to help you stay on the path of growth towards whatever success you are following. That idea got me thinking about the kinds of thinkers you need to have around you in order to think well, and continue to think even better and more clearly as time goes on. Here's what I came up with. It's new. I'd love to hear what you think.

People who know less than you. It struck me, thinking about this, that maybe sometimes we do need to remember that we know a lot more about something than other people. I sometimes joke with 'new coaches' I work with that just by starting a coaching business they have thought about coaching more than at least 99% of the people on the planet.

For me, this shows up less when I'm thinking about my business these days, and more when I'm thinking about complex, important ideas: about politics, about government, about morality, about the environment, about how the world works. If you're interested in doing this thinking, it's incredibly easy in the internet age to think that you know nothing, because if you're like me you read articles by people who know a lot more than you, and you listen to those people too, and you follow those people on Twitter, too. And we compare what's going on for us on the inside when we think about these ideas (in my case doubt, questioning, exploration, unsureness) with what's going on with other people on the outside (on Twitter, A LOT of certainty!), we fall into a comparison trap. So we need some people around us who just haven't learnt about things as much as we have. Perhaps try seeking them out, or remind yourself of all the learning you have done about whatever it is you're thinking about.

People who disagree with you. The world needs disagreement. That's what our legal system rests on - people arguing their sides and a third passing judgment. It's what academia should rest on (although with things like the Grievance Studies fiasco, and the narrowing political viewpoints on campus, who knows which bits of it do any more): academics putting their ideas out there, trusting that others will keep them honest and in check so that we can trust that studies that come out of academia are true.

Now this bit is hard to do in your personal life, but it is important, if you want to search for truth. As Jordan Peterson says in 12 Rules for Life, when we debate things in our heads, we mostly construct quite idiotic opponents to do this with. If you want to improve your thinking, you need something more sophisticated. And luckily, most real people who have thought about the world are more sophisticated than the straw men and women we construct in our minds. But, having a disagreement in the modern era is difficult. People aren't good at it, or at least aren't doing it with good humour. If we don't do it with good humour and whilst assuming the best of the other and giving them the benefit of the doubt, we shout people down and we shut them down. That's why so many of us in the modern day feel unable to speak about so many things. This is why it's important that when you disagree with someone, you do it with good humour, you assume the best of them and you give them the benefit of the doubt. And you don't shout them down.

And that's why we need the third group. We need people with whom we agree, or at least with whom we can explore our ideas, excitedly, out further than we have ever explored before. We need thinking partners. That's what my friend Colin does. He calls himself the Listener, but really people don't pay him to listen, they pay him to help them think better than they have ever done before. That's what I do in my coaching, too. That's what Rebel Wisdom did, miraculously, at their summit this year: they created thinking partnerships between total strangers by curating the conversation beautifully.

With a thinking partner you explore your thoughts, without judgment. They may know about the idea, or they may just have the skills to open conversations and pursue thinking in an unusual way. You explore together: your thinking then goes up and out into new places. Of course that's also why we need the challenge sometimes from the second group, to make sure that what we are saying is grounded in reality. But it is a wonderful and (in my experience) rare experience to have true thinking partners. I'm lucky to have them in my family, and I love those conversations as we explore ideas and say things we couldn't say almost anywhere else, with curiosity. It's why I pay someone (my coach) to listen to me, to be my thinking partner, to help me take my ideas up and out into possibility.

Make sure to find some spaces in your life to remember the qualities your thinking already has, perhaps with some people who haven't thought about things as much as you have.

Make sure you find some spaces in your life to be challenged, to be kept honest, to be outside the echo chamber. But find ones who will give you the benefit of the doubt, and give the benefit of the doubt to others.

And make sure you have people around you who can support your thinking, who can help you take it above and beyond what you thought possible.