The Vital Generosity of the First Follower
First published on February 12, 2020
One of the battles of the modern era, for the values-driven, honest person is this: do I play the game everyone else is playing, or do I try and change the game?
I've been sitting with this over the last few weeks, considering the acts of generosity which define the way I do business.
One of my clients was talking about it today, too: 'Do I give up on my values,' he said, 'because no one else in this company seems to care about being straight up and having integrity?'
The problem is: if you're the only person who is trying to play a different game, then you're the mug. You lose. Heavily.
I heard Jordan Hall talking about this: to make sense of the complexity of the modern world, to genuinely make sense of it, we have to listen differently and relate differently and interact differently. It will take us all sense-making together to shift into a different way of being as societies, and that different way of being is what we need to deal with the complex challenges of today. But if everyone else is still playing the 'rivalrous, zero-sum game' then when you look for the deeper truth, when you listen differently and relate differently, you lose.
If I am the only person pushing myself out there, being entrepreneurial, say, by creating a podcast in the coaching world, showcasing people who are amazing at what they do in service of inspiring other coaches to be better, to be more amazing, to be empowered to create the business they want... then I might lose. If the guests share the podcast and it grows then of course this could benefit me, too, in the seemingly-rivalrous game of running a successful coaching business. If they don't, all I am doing at that point is sharing and showcasing these people, potentially at a cost to my own business. Am I the mug?
If my client is the only one in his company genuinely seeking the best way forward, whilst everyone else keeps their head down and toes the party line... then he might lose. If others stand up and work to create change in the company, too, holding their integrity and trying to win together, then perhaps things change forever, creating better service for customers and more satisfaction. If they don't, if they stick to scoring points with superiors and not causing a fuss, then my client is sacrificing health and family at the altar of something that will never change. Is he the mug?
The question then becomes, what game do we want to play? Do we want to play the short-term, small-scale, rivalrous game? The race to the bottom? Or do we want to play the long-term, society-level game? The race to change the world for the better?
Seth Godin talks about generosity. That is the quality that needs to be cultivated if we are determined not to race to the bottom, if we are determined to join the race to change the world, to shift - as Jordan Hall might say - into an exponential growth of capability and sense-making. That - generosity - is the act of the first follower, which Derek Sivers articulated so brilliantly in the video of Dancing Guy (if you've never watched this, it's 3 minutes that you won't regret). Remember: until someone else joins the dancing guy at the festival, he is the mug.
Once he is joined, first by one person and then by many more, he is the leader who started a movement. He is the courageous crusader who tried to change the world.
Don't forget or let go unnoticed the generosity of those who create. For many of us it is tiring and emotionally draining to be the dancing guy, standing alone, waiting for the first followers to join him.
When you see someone, dancing crazily, and it sparks something in you. Share that. Return the generosity. But don't just say something. Act. The first follower of Dancing Guy doesn't tell him his dancing is great.
The first follower dances.
So don't just tell someone their generosity, their attempt to shift the game and add something great to the world, is valuable. Show them. Be generous. Or they might just stop the dance, and all of us will be poorer.