Things Get Broken by the Dark Times. But Things Get Made In Those Times, Too.

First published on March 17, 2020

Things get broken by the dark times. But things are made in those times, too.

In 2012, a relationship that felt like it had been the bedrock of who I was, ended. It had lasted almost all of my adult life, it was part of all my friendships, it was my adult past, my present and - as far as I was concerned, and despite its struggles - my future. And then it was gone. The months that followed were one of the darkest times of my life.

Only years later, when I heard Katherine Woodward Thomas talking about conscious uncoupling, her method to allow people to come out of relationships stronger rather than weaker, did I realise what had happened. Woodward Thomas talks about how the release of energy from a divorce (or the breakdown of a relationship) can be harnessed, can be ridden, to something new, something better. That was what I had done in the aftermath of the breakup eight years ago. I didn't necessarily do it consciously, but I did it.

In the dark times, we have to process what is happening for us. We have to feel what is happening to us. But we have to be careful that the 'processing' doesn't become 'indulging'; that the 'processing' doesn't become 'hiding' within the pain.

The research into Post Traumatic Growth shows that many people - whilst they wouldn't wish their trauma on others - are able to be grateful for it, for its gifts, for how it changed them. Research also seems to show that CEOs who have had near death experiences are better leaders.

Those, in their own way, have been my experiences from the darkest times in my life. The insight, the change, born in those moments has taken me to places I wouldn't have imagined (both literally and figuratively). The story I tell in my forthcoming book shows that those insights, born in the dark times, have carried me to success in my relationships and professional life that I simply wouldn't have imagined before.

If we can survive the trauma without shattering, then humans are antifragile, growing stronger as a result of what we suffer.

The world is in a strange moment, right now. I'm sure you can feel it too, wherever you are.

Over the next weeks and months, many things will be broken. We will lose people we know, people who live near us, people who are part of our lives even though they may be miles away, people we love. Or at least, it looks that way. More than that, it is likely that many parts of our economic system will break: companies will cease to exist, industries will be changed forever, hardships will be endured by people all around us. And, things will be created in the darkness, too. Innovations will be made, communities will be formed, insights will be seen, decisions will be made.

And in that, we have the choice. Each of us, throughout this moment, gets to ask ourselves: are we simply going to be a part of the breaking, or are we going to be a part of the creating, too?

Are we going to simply be afraid and suffer, alone or together? Or are we going to look for the gifts in this situation? The things we thought we would never get done? The opportunities for growth - now, or in the long term - the seeds of which can be planted in the present? The chance to be both generous to those who need our help and to create the kind of future we want, deep down?

How is this the perfect moment, to make sure that you are the phoenix that rises from the flames, the part of your community or industry that supports others and grows as a result of what happens now?

How can this moment - these things you are going through and will go through over the coming months - be a part of your story you will look back on, grateful for even though you wouldn't wish it on anyone else?

How can you create something from the broken pieces of uncertainty that likely abound in your life? How is it perfect that the universe is offering you this, now?

What if this - this moment - could be what you have been waiting for? What if it is a signal from the universe to act, to create, from the highest parts of you?

This will be hard. But people are here to help. I'm here to help. Let me know if there is anything I can do. And harness this energy to take you into your future.