The Three Types of Sharing

First published on June 6, 2018

I was speaking to a client a few months ago, about sharing. Because there are different types of sharing, and they come from and lead to very different things.

We just finished working together, after six months of work, and as preparation for that I read through the notes from our work and came across that. And it felt current, as I am wrestling, in this moment, with my own ability to share. To understand that my sharing with others - the deep personal sharing, the asking for help - is ok. It isn't taking up the space from others, who need the help more than me. And it isn't too much for people. But we'll get to that, maybe. 

This is the age of sharing, with a 'share' button at the bottom of every page, success for many people based on how many 'shares' they get, and with our ability to share, in so many ways, easier and with fewer gate keepers than it has ever been. And that, as with everything, has a light side, and a shadow. 

Here are some of the types of sharing I see, in the world.

Sharing for the Ego. In this space, we are sharing to let everyone else know what is going on, so that they do something. Sometimes this is to celebrate, sometimes to commiserate. Some people share a short, cryptic statement, with their ego desperate to be heard, to have people sympathise, or to have its stories corroborated. This isn't all bad - it's lovely that we can share the things we want to with our family and loved ones, and those we know or are connected to. And it's important that our ego gets what it needs to keep us safe and sane. But sharing for the ego doesn't help us with everything. And in some cases, it's not that helpful at all. 

Sharing for Our Own Healing. Sometimes we are in pain. And we need to share it. Sharing relieves that pain sometimes, dissipates it, somehow. Sometimes we just need to know other people are out there, and the reactions of people - in real life or online - are a balm to keep us in place, to keep us going. We need people in our lives who we can do that with. And as my brother wrote beautifully, they need to be someone who can handle it. 

Sometimes, you just know that you need to share, for the good of your soul. It isn't from a place of pain in the now, but it may be from a place of pain in the past. If we find the way to do that, to share in those moments, then the connection with others that sharing brings can be incredibly powerful. It doesn't heal everything, but the vulnerability it takes, and the power of being accepted for who we are, including what we shared, can be a deeply human experience. People may not know this is what you are doing. I doubt the readers of my first few posts in this series knew that I was sharing them in order to heal myself, of some scar that brought on an irrational terror of sharing in that way, and that their acceptance has healed something. 

And of course this practice has become something more than that, now - perhaps a combination of these three types of sharing. 

Sharing for Others' Healing. Because hearing about the true, authentic experiences of others can be incredibly healing. We spend so much time comparing our internal experiences to others' external experiences that the comparison trap can cause a lot of pain. To truly hear from others is a powerful gift, and can empower and even our scars and wounds. 

So share, when you can. Share more than you think. And remember what a powerful impact it can have for you, and for others. 

These days, my practices mean I've got some of my sharing needs sorted. I've got some good stuff down around sharing for others, and my sharing for my ego does ok, too, but sharing for myself. For me, that's the real edge.